How the US could Move Out of the Drama Triangle: About Games People Play

George Lakoff wrote very interesting books about Metaphors. At this moment Lakoff his main subject is US politics. In an article called the Metaphors of Terror he analyzes the “framing” of the US Government in his “battle” against Terrorism that started at 9/11.

The initial framing was as a “crime” with “victims” and “perpetrators” to be “brought to justice” and “punished.” The crime frame entails law, courts, lawyers, trials, sentencing, appeals, and so on”. Later “crime” changed to “war” with “casualties,” “enemies,” “military action,” “war powers,” and so on. Later “Evil” was added. “To stand up to evil you have to be morally strong. If you’re weak, you let evil triumph, so that weakness is a form of evil in itself, as is promoting weakness. Evil is inherent, an essential trait, that determines how you will act in the world. Evil people do evil things“.

The most important change in the framing is the move to Religion. I think and many people with me this was a very dangerous move. It revived the time of the Crusades. The move to Religion correlates with the strong influence of the Conservative Religious movement in the US. They were already for a long time in the “Crusade Mode”.

Lakoff shows that the role of the parent in childhood determinates the distinction between Republicans and Democrats. Republicans are in favor of the Strict Father (or Parent). Democrats like the Nurturing Father.

Parents were born as Children. Children often take over the behavior of the parents when they raise their own children even when the children did not like this behavior at all. The first reason is copying but there is more at stake.

When you look at Interpersonal Theory (Why a Slave needs a Master) the Strict Father is high in Agency (the Self) and the Nurturing Father combines Agency and Communion (The Other). He is able to create an “internal” bridge. The Strict Parent is unable to commune. He is unable to give intimacy, warmth, closeness, social support and love to the Child. The child is “left Alone“.

The Child has to start his life high in Communion. It needs to be Taken Care of. When the Parents are unable to give Intimacy the Child cannot receive Intimacy when he is an Adult. He or She is unable to create a stable relationship of Compassion.He or She moves from relationship to relationship or when he/she is living in a Strictly Moral Environment sustains a relationship that is not “Taking Care” of the Children. History repeats itself.

The next move in Life is the state of the Senses (Communion/Agency). This state ends in the Ego-State (Puberty). Many people don’t want to leave this state because they don’t like the Responsibilities that are connected to the next State.

When they become a Parent they have to move. They can move to the Nurturing State (Communion, Self AND Other) or to the Strict Parent State (Agency, Self). If they don’t know how to Commune there is only one state possible, The Strict Parent. Again History Repeats itself.

The Adult State is the State in the Middle or the Center (Balance, Harmony, Conscioussness). It can be reached when people Take the Time to Reflect (Look Inside).

At this moment almost everything we do is directed at the opposite, Look Outside (TV, Movie, Games, …). The Media take so much time that many people have no time left to “Observe” or “Step Out of” their own situation.

Children and Adults are always Playing Games. One of the psychologists that has analyzed Adult Games is Eric Berne. He created Transactional Analysis.

Berne presented his theories in two popular books: Games People Play (1964) and What Do You Say After You Say Hello? (1975). The most famous book was I’m OK, You’re OK (1969) written by Berne’s longtime friend Thomas Anthony Harris.

Will McWhinney analyzed Two Persons games. Berne discovered also three person games (Triangles).

One of the most dysfunctional triangular games is The Drama Triangle (Stephen Karpman).

Each point on the triangle represents a common and ineffective response to conflict, one more likely to prolong disharmony than to end it. Participants in the Drama Triangle create misery for themselves and others.

Each player in this particular mind game begins by assuming one of three archetypical roles: Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor.

  • Victims are helpless and hopeless. They deny responsibility for their negative circumstances, and deny possession of the power to change them.
  • Rescuers are constantly applying short-term repairs to a Victim’s problems, while neglecting their own needs.
  • Persecutors blame the Victims and criticize the enabling behavior of Rescuers, without providing guidance, assistance or a solution to the underlying problem

The ‘switch’ is then when one of these having allowed stable roles to become established, suddenly switches role. The victim becomes a persecutor, and throws the previous persecutor into the victim role, or the rescuer suddenly switches to become a persecutor (“You never appreciate me helping you!”).

It is not difficult to see that the Persecutor plays the Strict Father Role. Most of the time the Mother plays the Victim and the Child acts as the Rescuer (The Nurturing Child).

Later the Model of Berne was extended into a Five Factor model (The Tokyo University Egogram). It contains the Nurturing Parent, the Critical Parent (Strict Father), the Adult, Adapted Child (Victim) and the Natural Child (Nurturing Child).

According to my insights A Five Factor Model is a complete model. According to Berne the Adult is “in the Now”. This proves to me that this part could be called Consciousness.

Now it is time to move back to US Politics.

I am convinced The US is Playing Roles in a very complicated Drama Triangle. In this triangle all the players are constantly switching roles.

The Role of the Victims is played by the PEOPLE of the Islamic Countries. The US is constantly switching between the role of the Rescuer AND the Persecutor (“You never appreciate me helping you!”).

The US as a Rescuer implements Short-Term Repairs, ”Capitalism”. Capitalism destroyes Islamic Culture based on the Nurturing Father metaphor (Family, Taking Care of the Other) . Kapitalism stimulates Individualism (Ego). It dis-connects people from a Whole.

Not everybody in the Islamic Countries applies the Nurturing Father Metaphor. The Islamic Conservative Religious Movement has a lot in common with the US Conservative Religious Movement. They are the people that want to fight the Holy War again. I don’t think both of them really see that the (poor) People are always the victims.

As a Rescuer the US helps Islamic Strict Fathers (Iraq, Saddam Hoessein) but it also acts as a Persecutor when it destroyes the same Strict Fathers. The US helped Saddam Hoessein and later destroyed him. They also helped the Taliban and is now destroying them.

All the time the People that lived in these countries were and are the real Victims. Some of them Move into a very Special Victim State, they Kill ThemSelves (Suicide Bommers). When you want to Kill Your Self you are really desperatly asking for Communion.

The People in the Islamic Countries believe that when you Offer Your Self you will reach the Ultimate Place of Communion, Heaven. The Strict Islamic Fathers confirm this believe. The Nurturing Fathers in the Islamic Community (The Mystics, Sufi) tell another Story. The believe just like the Mystics in the West (The Essenes) that the Love for the Other is crucial.

Could it be that US never left the Puberty State?

If this is the Case it Explains a Lot to me. It Explains the Enormous Amount of food People Eat and the need to Add Sugar. It explains the US Porno Cult. It explains the most Crazy City on Earth: Las Vegas where every building is A Game in an Adventure-Game. It explains The Cowboy Culture and it explains the Excessive Waste of Energy. It also explains the Exageration: Big Cars, Big Buildings, Being the Best and the Biggest.

It also shows the Way Forward.

The US has to accept that is now an ADULT Country and has to accept the Responsibility of this State.

It could start by accepting US Culture as a FUSE between many cultures that came out of The East (India), Africa (Slaves), Europe, East America (mainly Mexico) and of course its Indian Heritage (Harmony and Nature).

The US could except that its Own Culture is a Self-Reference of the World Culture.

Is it Possible to Leave a Drama Triangle?

When we use the Five Factor Model and move to China we are able to find a solution. The most important strategy in Chinese martial arts is to Refuse to Support your Attacker.

The first step is to Move into the Center. In terms of the TA Model “Become Aware”.

Use your consciousness. Resist the Temptation to play an Exaggerated and Complementary role to a Victim, Rescuer or Persecutor.

Understand that you are not fighting a Person (A CAUSE) but you are in a State (EGO).

The force you are fighting is trying to move you out of the state of Awareness.

In the Centre you can help the other with giving them awareness and performing Enlightened actions (Out of the Heart).

If we move back to US Policy we have to find where the Consciouss of the US can be found.

The Consciousness can be found in the Press.

The Consciousness can be found in its History.

The Consciousness can be found in Law and Justice.

The Consciousness can be found in the Congress.

The Consciousness can be found in the UnConsciousness (Dreams).

The Consciousness can be found in the Arts and Music (Culture).

One of these has to Move to the Centre and Resist the Temptation to Support the Attacker (Ego).

The last thing I want to tell is that I love the people of the US. I travelled the country from East to West and from North to South. Almost everybody I spoke did not like what the System was doing. They wanted a change but they did not know how. The feeling that the System has taken over Control is something that many people in the West (also the Netherlands) are feeling. They feel extremely Powerless.

The only thing we can do is support all the people all over the World that are from the Heart. The Times are Always Changing and at a certain moment the Age of Aquaris (Love will Steer the Stars) will certainly come. It is just a matter of time.

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